I was thinking this morning on my way to work about Allison. I know she is sad about a break-up with her boyfriend. She wants a boyfriend, that's only natural, she's 15. Her boyfriend was 16. They are both so young and both good kids. But, this is what we are studying this year at Bible Study (Jonah)... This little breakup is what I like to think of as a "divine interruption" or "intervention". We can't look into the future and see what road Allison will take or what obstacles might come her way, but God knows. It says in the Bible that He knew us before we were ever born, and He knows our whole life story when we are just a babe.
So, I take this promise to heart and know that whatever comes her way, Allison is protected and loved by God. Every thing happens for a reason, even if we can't see it now, or even if we are hurt by the situation we are in right now. Who knows what might have happened if Allison continued to be in that boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. It must not have been for the best, because God always has our best interests at heart. Allison is His child.
I was also thinking about my own character and personality this morning. I don't consider myself to be a mean person. I like very much to be in warm, giving relationships. When I love someone I want to LOVE them... I want to do for them and help them. I want to be with them and see them be happy. This is true, especially of my children. I want them to be happy and life to be good for them. They are my treasures and really the only thing in life that matters.
But, I have had a hard time. My heart is so full of love and giving and yet it causes problems. I guess I am intrusive, even though I don't mean to be. I don't mean to be in the way or such a big presence that I become annoying or disruptive. I just have a hard time shutting down my spirit that wants to give so much to those I love.
I have noted that after a while, I can be hurt and criticized so many times that my spirit finally closes to that person or persons and I don't have anything left to give, or worse, I don't feel emotions anymore, for that person. The things that are said or the criticism doesn't hurt or affect me the way it once did. I realize I can't do anything right in this person's mind and so I see it now as their problem, not mine. It doesn't hurt as much when I realize that it is really not me, but they who have the problem.
To me, that is the worst thing, because it goes against what I believe. I believe that God wants me to LOVE and not be shut down. Maybe, I am loving the wrong people and need to search out others who need to be loved and would welcome a friend, mother, or helper. This is probably true. I must look elsewhere...
